The Phases of The F'ed Up Relationship

This morning while doing my morning shopping at Shop n Save, my best friend, who is more like a sister to me gave me a call.  While I was a bit upset that she interrupted my Corrine Bailey Rae I am a good friend who always has time for my girl.  So she was at home minding her own business when she receives a call at 4:00 in the morning from the wife of the man that she is shaggin.  The wife was not mad, she just held a conversation with my friend about the man that they were sharing and ended the call with, “don’t buy any of the dreams that such-and-such is buying” and that was that.  My girl was in awe that the wife was so calm, but I was not.  The wife is now in what I like to call the phase in a fucked up relationship called “Acceptance”. 

Seek and Ye Shall Find

Every relationship has phases, but the f'ed up relationship's phases varies greatly from that of a normal relationship.  The first phase of the f'ed up relationship is the investigative phase.  During the investigative phase the person getting f'ed over usually spend his/her time investigating the person that if f'ing over them.  During this phase the f'ed over not only spends his/her time going through their partners cellphone for strange phone calls and text messages, but this person will also go as far as riding past their mate's house, job, friend's house, momma's house, grandma's house and by the place that their mate frequents.  During this phase the f'ed over will check pockets, purses, panties and boxer briefs for evidence of foul play.  The investigative phase of the f'ed up relationship takes diligence, determination and very little self-respect.   This phase of the relationship the person knows that their mate isn't being true, but they think that if they investigate the crime somehow they can prevent future crimes from happening.  

A Fight A Fight

The next phase after the investigative phase is the combative phase; during this phase the person will have investigated enough to determine rather or not their mate is involved in illegal activities such as cheating.  Rather then leaving the f'ed up relationship the person will become combative thinking that they can fight their way to a normal relationship. During this phase of the relationship the woman will go from a private eye to a warrior.  She will fuss and fight with every other woman that even looks at her man in the wrong way.  She will curse out the waitress, the co-worker even as far as the distant cousin that she has never met.  In the combative phase you may see this person in the grocery store clowning with their partner because someone of the opposite sex spoke to them in line and not care who sees them. Occasionally the woman will fight the man, but her anger isn't towards the one who is suppose to be loyal, no her anger is for the other woman who actually owes her nothing.  The investigative phase can be expensive in terms of gas money, spy cameras and freelance computer hackers. However, during the combative phase weaves get pulled out, nails get broken, tires get slashed, cell phone bills go up due to calling the other man/woman during non-peak hours and playing on the phone and windows get broken out so this phase is the most expensive.  

I Accept Therefore I Am

After a someone has investigated that they are in fact in a f'ed up relationship, combated their way through countless other people, he/she generally is tired and does not want to fuss and fight any longer, but they are unwilling to give up the relationship, so they move on to the acceptance phase of the f'ed up relationship. During the acceptance phase, he/she no longer has to investigate because he/she already knows that they are in a f'ed up relationship and their mate is cheating on them, they are no longer combative because they have grown tired and have no more fight left in them, but they still want to maintain this relationship so they move happily in the acceptance phase of the f'ed up relationship. 

During the acceptance phase the person does not like the fact that their partner is a cheater, but they have wasted so much time and so many years in the investigative and combative portion of their f'ed up relationship that they will accept the win by default and has accepted the terms and conditions of their f'ed up relationship. This person has said to him/herself that as longs as their mate respect him/her enough not to cheat in their face or not to bring their other men/women home then he/she is cool with it. During the acceptance phase of the f'ed up relationship the person has ran him/herself to the ground that he/she is now so cynical and bitter that no one else will want him/her and their self esteem is so low that they believe that this person is the best that he/she can do and he/she is lucky to have him/her. 

Winning By Default Is Not Quite As Sweet

The default win is not a prize either because default means just that…default.  The default person is the person who has stuck around the longest, the one who the cheater has ran to the ground and back and only after they have done all of their dirt and have ran through the ones who are not going to put up with his/her shit, he/she finally decides to settle with the one who has always been there and who was stupid enough to stick around. The default prize.  No they are not the first or most desired choice, but they are fine with being this person's last resort.  The cheater do not love the default prize,  and if someone else was to come along he/she would leave the default prize and be some sort of a decent and loyal person.  

When I think about the character, Arizona, in my upcoming book Skeletons, she is now in the acceptance phase of her relationship.  She is in the phase where she knows that her husband is untrue, but she also knows that he will not change so she accepts her win by default and is prepared to accept the terms and conditions of her relationship.  

We have all been in a f'ed up relationship at one point in our lives rather we left during the investigative, combative or are currently in the acceptance phase and are fine with the bronze medal hanging around our necks or wrapped around our ring finger.  Be careful of the terms and conditions in which you accept when entering into relationships and if things seem f'ed up in the beginning then most likely things will be f'ed up in the end.  

TTFN

Some Secrets Are Necessary

Good afternoon!  My six-year-old son Javier learned about tornado safety at school and has since been obsessed with tornado's.  Every time it rains he asks the question, "Mommy is there going to be a tornado?" Today my mother-in-law and I were watching the devastation that occurred down South in terror and amazement.  My son, he watched the video footage of the tornado and was not afraid, he said, "mommy the people were suppose to run and get into their bathtub with a blanket not drive their car because tornado's are dangerous!" We weren't even thinking about about the guy driving the car while filming we were too busy looking that the dark, monstrous funnel cloud while it ripped through the town.  Children are very observant, they tend to pick up on the small things that we as adults seem to overlook.

What Happens In Vegas.....

Someone asked me if my husband and I kept secrets from one another her theory is that in a marriage there should be no secrets.  To an extent I agree, in a marriage there should not be any profound secrets, he should know almost everything there is to know about me and vice versa.  However, are there times when letting your mate know something about you detrimental to the relationship?  I think about the character Jovanna in my book Skeletons, Jovanna is about to marry the man of her dreams and they were heading towards a blissful future. However, Jovanna has a secret that could ruin her chance at being happy as well  as endanger the life of her fiancée.   If a person has a secret and they know that if this skeleton were to come out of their closet it would damage their life should they tell their mate or should they keep it well-hidden?  Does it depend upon what type of secret it is and what kind of damage it could cause in the long run?  Would it be easier to just continue the lie in hopes that your loved one never finds out?  But what if they did find out, was the lie worth loss of trust that your loved one once had for you?  Sometimes what happens in Vegas is better left in Vegas, but sometimes we need to bring home souvenirs to let our loved ones know what was hidden in our closets.

Running From your Past Can Slow You Down

In Skeletons, Jovanna is running from her past, but what she fails to realize is that she was running on a slow moving treadmill on a path to nowhere.  No matter where you run your past stays with you and no matter how much you think that you have changed your past stays the same.  Jovanna finds out the hard way that the past cannot be changed with a new name, new hairdo and designer clothes because you cannot change what was, but by facing what was head-on you can change what is or what could be.  By running from your past and covering up things about you, one only slows down the progress of their current life.  Instead of focusing on what is ahead of you; you are too busy trying to cover up what is behind you.  What happens when you run a race by looking behind you?  Do you run faster or does your pace get thrown off slowing you down until you either trip or stop? 

Lets Face It

Everyone has a secret or two that they are keeping from their mate; rather it be the fact that you went shopping last week and spent the car note money or that you fart in the bed while they are asleep.  Everyone has something hidden in their closet that they'd rather not tell their mate about, but when that skeleton in your closet is holding a knife or a secret child it is only fair that you tell your mate about it.  Letting the big things out of your closet from the beginning will prevent a lot of broken hearts in the long run.  

TTFN!!!

The 7 Year Itch

I am going off of 2 hours sleep, 4 dinosaur chicken nuggets, a whole lot of Kool-Aid and cramps that would make a MMA fighter fall to his knees.  After putting the kids to bed I settled into my room and began to watch The Seven Year Itch starring Marilyn Monroe and Tom Ewell (I'm a sucker for old movies).
This is such a cute movie because Richard Sherman sends his wife and child away for the summer and instead of cheating the some of his other friends he stays home where his imaginatin runs wild when his sexy neighbor move in upstairs.

Dr. Brubaker: When something itches my dear sir, the natural tendency is to scratch.

Richard Sherman: Last night I scratched.

This movie leave me wondering about my character, Santana, in my upcoming book, Skeletons and what she and her husband are going through.  The itch that dare you scratch.   When I think of the seven year itch I think of after seven years of a long-term relationship or of a marriage, men and women tend to re-evaluate the relationship and rather or it is what they really want.  After seven years of being with the same person one find his/her eye wandering in the direction of the cutie next door and all of a sudden they start to itch.  This is no ordinary itch either, this itch is profound and the person has to have willpower and a whole lot of love for their mate not to scratch this itch.  But some lack that willpower and love so they scratch.

According to a statistic the average marriage lasts....7 years. I wonder if this seven year itch is a not a myth after all but more of a reality.  Santana finds herself bored in her marriage to Mike, the son of a preacher man, and she feels the itch coming on, but does she have the willpower to resist scratching?  Is her love for Mike strong enough to stop the itch?

Lost Without You

I have been married for 8 years and to some that may not seem like that long while to others it seems like a long time, but I do know that being married is very difficult and I have found myself itching from time-to-time.  I am human.  My husband has also itched.  He is human as well.  The problem with the seven year itch is that it isn't about the itch after all, it is about what a couple can do it avoid scratching.  Santana feels lost in her marriage, she and Mike have been together for so long that she feels as if she has lost herself and that she doesn't know who she is without Mike's last name.  Santana wants to branch off and scratch her itch, but at what cost?

Put some ointment on it and move on already!

We all itch from time-to-time and sometimes that itch is aggressive, but in life we have to learn how to make good choices; choices that won't leave our loved ones hurt, confused and leave our homes torn apart.  So if you are married and if you find that annoying itch coming on by all means put some ointment on it and find ways to ignite that spark with your mate once again!

TTFN

They Interrupted The Today Show For THIS?

As I sat down to complete my early morning routine of a glass of kool-aid, blogging and my favorite morning news program The Today Show when they interrupted Ann Curry's interview with Candiace Bushnell who was discussing her new book, Summer And The City, about when Carrie Bradshaw from Sex And The City when she meets Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte and her first summer in NYC.  A book that I must read because I am a Sex And The City fanatic.  Wanting to hear more about the book I sat up in the bed until a more alarming issue was brought to my attention when I saw the big floating graphic displaying SPECAIL REPORT so that got my attention and I stopped mid blog to see what was going on.

The President, Barrack Obama, wanted to address once again the birther issue and the authenticity of his birth certificate and to finally put the issue of the place of his birth to rest. 

THEY INTERRUPTED THE TODAY SHOW FOR THIS!

I am not a political person at all, I did good passing the U.S. Constitution test in the 8^th grade, but I do know this, America has much bigger things to do than to stop my news program to address once again this birth certificate.  I like Barack Obama because he is a very cool guy, he has an eloquent way of speaking and I like how he doesn’t let the pressure of being the President of the United States show.   Donald Trump has ignited a lot of fire about the place of the President’s birth for the past few weeks, but who really takes Donald Trump seriously?  I love his show The Apprentice, but I watch that for entertainment and not for Donald’s insightful political views. 

Even though the President has provided the birth certificate showing that he was indeed born in Hawaii, now he has to prove that the birth certificate was real so he had to provide the long-form birth certificate and hold a press conference about it!

I don’t give a fat, rat’s ass where the President was born! Do you know what I care about?  I care about how we can afford to put gas in my van when gas is running at $4.09 a gallon!  I care about rather or not we will be able to go to our doctor visits due to the state of health care in American!  I care about the fact that there are sons, daughters, mothers, fathers and brothers and sister still fighting in an ongoing war!  I don’t care if the President was born on the moon, all I care about is our President being able to focus his energies on the things that matter to me and not a birth certificate.  I want the President to worry about the state of the educational system in America, I want him to talk about how they plan on reducing the unemployment rate by creating jobs.  That is what I want to hear about…not his birth certificate.  I don’t care where any President was born actually, J.F. Kennedy could have been born in Russia, Bill Clinton could have been born in Australia and George Washington could have been born in Africa all I care about is rather or not this president is going to do a good job running this country and making America a great country to live in.

How can America consider itself a powerhouse in the world when we dwell on such silliness? Let’s stop the distractions and let the President focus on bigger things and let me enjoy my program without unnecessary interruptions.  

And by the way, they didn't continue the interview with Candace Bunshell, but that won't stop me from buying her book.  

TTFN!

Super-Size My Sticker Please!

I've always wanted one of those cool family stickers that I see on the back of people's cars or mini vans, but I could never find them in stores.  Well thanks to the magic of Google I found a website www.familystickers.com which makes family stickers that you can customize to fit each family member's personality.  So I logged on and made our family sticker to put on the back of the van as well as to put on a rubber return address stamp.  The site is so neat because you can pick from a wide variety of heads, bodies as well as poses and pets and they even have a feature that you can use to create your own design for your sticker.
since
Wow!

So I customized my family sticker:

Too cute! Each stick figure represents every one from my gamer husband, the skateboarding teenager, the teenager who is attached at the hip to her laptop, the grand diva tween, the sports-minded six year old, active three-year old to our darling baby Januari! 

It was kind of pricey at $54 each so if we wanted 2 it would cost us over $110 plus shipping, but one would do us just fine.  The only issue is that I hope that it isn't too big for my back window!  That is the joy of having a large family, you need everything super-sized from the bottle of ketchup to the table for 13 at the restaurant when you have a large clan you have to accommodate accordingly.  I cannot wait until my sticker arrives in the mail and IF it fits and I don't get a ticket for it obstructing my view I know that I'm going to love it.

TTFN!

Thanks For Your Support

I haven't blogged in a few days because I've been sick...yes mothers are actually allowed to get sick from time to time.  I always get whatever virus it is that my kids bring home on their shoes, hands and noses...they come in touch everything, cough and sneeze in my face and viola I get sick.  It didn't help much that we took the little ones to an Easter egg hunt at a local church and while it was very nice, the rain kind of put a damper on the day.  So now that I am feeling a little bit better I want to discuss my support system.

A support system is very important because we need people to cheer us on, pat us on the back and tell us that we did good.  I have a pretty good support system of friends, family and a few people that I really don't even know, but they support me and my efforts in becoming a published author.  These people have read parts of Skeletons and some other manuscripts that I've been working on and they are just as excited (if not more) to finally see my work in print.  

Not only do my support system have my back when it comes to my writing career they also have my back when it comes to other areas of my life.  Such as when I'm having a bad day and the kids are driving me to the brink of individually plucking out my armpit hair one-by-one, I will call one or two of my support team and they will talk me off of jumping off of the bridge.  My support team are great individuals who actually take the time out to care and to call me just to see how I'm doing and to make sure that I'm still amongst the living.  Sometimes a writer's life is a life of isolation so they will even come by the house when they haven't seen or heard from me in a while.  

The important thing about a good support system is not only the support that they give, but also the support that they receive.  See I also support my support team.  While none of them are writers they all do have their own individual things that they are working on and they need my support.  One of my support staff is going through a rocky divorce so whenever she needs to vent I'm there to allow her that moment.  Another of my support crew is madly in love so whenever she needs to gush about the hot date that she and her own McDreamy went on I'm there to listen.  That is the good thing about support crews, you each have one another's back and that is how real friendships work. 

Think about your own support crew and be thankful that you have someone to support you because like a house needs the foundation for support without it the structure would be unstable and eventually fall.

Kids Today Are Boring

Hey everyone, Happy Easter!

As I was riding down the street with my 11 and 17 year old daughters I noticed that there no kids outside playing and I asked them where are all of the kids at?  Not looking up from their individual activities of texting and thumbing through the iPod they simply shrugged their shoulders in an I dunno type of gesture.  

The next afternoon when the weather was nice I walked outside and again no children were out playing.  Reminiscing back to when I was a kid I remembered when we were outside playing from the time we woke up until the time that the streetlights came on.  It was so that on any given sunny day if a person were to ride down any street U.S.A they would see children outside playing anything from double-dutch, Chinese jump rope, hop scotch and my all time favorite kickball.

We had our own kickball league on Sycamore Street and we didn't need specialized shirts, a regulated kickball and actual bases.  All we needed for a good game of kickball is players and a ball from the local Dollar General and it was on!  First base was a knee-sized crack in the street, second base was a tree stump in the neighbor's yard, third base was a sewer cover that was in my grandmother's yard and home was an X drawn daily in chalk on the street.   My brother was the best pitcher, he could roll that ball so fast that most that would try to kick it usually ended up landing on their asses in the middle of the street.  I was the best kicker, I could kick the hell out of that little plastic ball, but where I sucked at was the running because our neighbor would always catch me.  Those were the days!  We would play kick ball all day every day, but when we didn't play kickball we played dodge-ball, red rover, freeze tag or hide and seek.

Did we get hurt? Hell yeah we got hurt I still have some war wounds to prove it!  I have a scar on my shin that was the result of me climbing a neighbor's tree and falling (my daddy told me to stay off of the tree, but I was a tomboy and didn't care at the time).  We all got hurt, but we lived to play another game of whatever it was that got us hurt in the first place.  

When we tell our kids about times past and how much fun we had just being outside and being kids, all they could say was "well that is because you were born in the olden days when they didn't have technology like the Playstation or computers." Does he think that I was born in the 20's?  The Nintendo was released in 1985 and I was a Mario Bro fanatic, but I didn't spend hours every day playing it because it was not only more exciting things going on outside, but also because my mother didn't allow us to just sit in the house all day. When the chores were done and our bodies were clean, we went outside! My mother didn't organize play dates for us because we knew how to go outside and make friends.   

My husband and I tell our children all of the time that they could not have hung with us back when we were younger, because we were tough, we didn't mind getting dirty and we actually played.  Now in the era where the kids call playing sitting on the PS3 or XBox, laptops, iPods and cellular phones they have become almost robotic and boring.  The kids these days have so much anger and catty attitudes because they don't know how to fit in and make friends with one another.  The only time my daughter has a conversation with someone is through texitng or on Skype.  What type of a life is that?  Kids today need their parents to organize play dates or sport activities in order for them to get out of the house.  Kids today are afraid of a little bit of dirt and heaven forbid them scrape their knee the world would end.  

I guess it is really not the kid's fault, it is the fault of over protective parents thinking that Little Johnny or Little Suzy would be scarred for life if they felt the sting of a rubber kick ball on their backside.  We as parents supply our children with the tools to make them lazy and robotic instead of letting them just be kids and get dirty.   I know some parents who spend $100 on kid a pair of sneakers or jeans and then get mad if the kid gets them dirty.  But isn't that what the child is suppose to do; get dirty?  I am not saying that we should stop buying the video games, iPods or cellular phones, but maybe we should set limits on things and take the kids to their very own front yard to play then maybe these kids will have a chance at enjoying their childhood just as we did.

So I say lets bring back kickball, freeze tag, double-dutch, hide and seek and lets show these boring kids how to live!

TTFN!

Sample Chapter-Must Be 18 or Older Please

Pouring more sesame oil in my palms I ran my hands from my ankles, to my calf and up to my full 


thighs.  I spread my thighs apart and ran my hands along the smooth skin of my pussy.  I began getting a


 full bikini wax when Mike and I were still making love three or four times a week, but now that the 


love-making stopped, waxing was just a habit.  I turned on the faucet and sat on the edge of the toilet


 with my legs spread. 

Rubbing my clit in a circular motion I bit my bottom lip as not to moan, but the electricity was so 

intense that I could not help it.   With my pointer and middle finger I plunged deep inside of my 

wetness causing my eyes to roll to the back of my head and my legs to jerk.

“God.” I moaned softly hoping the sound of the running water would drown out any noise that might be

 heard from the other side of the bathroom door.

Deeper and deeper I plunged my fingers inside of my wanting body as the feelings grew more intense 

and the pressure began to build.  Holding on to the side of the sink my body moved with my fingers, 

fluidly.  My fingers played me like a harp and with every stroke I sang a melody that only I could 

appreciate until a knock came at the door taking me from my tranquil moment in time.

I swallowed hard, “What?”

“Hey I need to get in there.” Mike said.

Breathing hard, I slid my fingers out of my body, “I’m just about finished.”

“Hurry up, it’s getting late.”

Rolling my eyes, Mike sure knew how to fuck up a good orgasm.

After I washed my hands I stormed out of the bathroom rolling my eyes at Mike as he lay across the 

bed with the remote control in his hands.

“What is wrong with you Santana?” he asked as he kept his eyes glued to ESPN.

“Nothing.” I shot.

“I know that nothing usually means something.” He said, “So don’t bullshit me, what’s going on?”

“Mike, when was the last time we had sex?” I asked.

“I don’t know, last week I guess.”

“And are you fine with that?”

He shrugged.

“So you don’t care?”

“No, I didn’t say that I didn’t care, but sex isn’t all that important to me anymore.”

“Sex is a huge part of a marriage.”

“What are you saying Santana; do you want to have sex tonight?” Mike asked never taking his eyes off of

Sports Center.

I just looked at him and rolled my eyes.

“If you want to have sex then let’s do it because I have a very busy day tomorrow and I want to get some

 sleep tonight.” Mike turned the TV off and put the remote down on the bed as he walked toward me.

Turning my back on him I pulled the chocolate duvet back, “Since you have such a busy day tomorrow

 you’d better get some rest.” I said, pissed.

“Why do you have to make this so difficult?” he asked as he kissed the side of my neck, his breath 

smelled like beer.

“Mike, I’m not in the mood.”

“What, but you just said…”

I looked him in his light brown eyes and said sternly, “I am not in the mood.”

Defeated Mike walked into the bathroom slamming the door.  I wonder if he was in there finishing up

 where I began.

DID I REALLY DO THAT? Living with Regret

Hey everyone, I woke up this morning with a headache, I can't remember much of what happened last night all that I know is that I did something that I regret. I am a person who has a great deal of self-control and restraint, but I must have really been in a mood yesterday because I did the unthinkable...

Hangs Head in Shame....
I allowed my inner editor get inside of my head she forced me to re-think the direction of Skeletons and delete one of the characters completely from the book! Mind you I have been writing this book for five years, this book is older than two of my children, this book is my baby and yet I allowed some unknown force to tamper with my mind and delete a character from the entire book. I don't even know why I did it, but at the time it did make some sort of sense to me, but now I regret it because this one character and her story that made the idea of Skeletons possible.  Not only did I delete her, but I also saved it on my laptop.  Madonna is one of the people that I idolize and she once said live your life without regrets and I have always done that...lived without regret, but now as I sit here thinking about what I did, I now know what regret feels like.

Is That  Light At The End of This Lonely Dark Tunnel?

Thank God I remember that I saved a copy of Skeletons not only on this laptop, but also on my other laptop and they are networked together! Also, I have a backup copy on a flash drive that I brought for $9.99 at Target!  The only thing that I have to do is update what is on my flash drive and I'm good to go.

Lesson Learned

Think before I delete, sleep on it and finally but most importantly, don't listen to my inner editor wait until my real editor gives me suggestions.

I'm Not Crazy I Just Enjoy Talking To Myself

Hey everyone, while at the gym today I brought alone my handy-dandy best friend, my voice recorder.  Having a voice recorder is essential for a writer, but for me it is a MUST.  Without my voice recorder I wouldn't get any writing done because I'd forget every great idea that I had and when the creative or inspirational bugs bite me my voice recorder is there ready to take it all in.
I am a mother of six very active children and sometimes I don't have the time to actually sit down and write for 8 hours a day (I wish).  I have meals to cook, clothes to wash, errands to run, noses to wipe, boo-boos to kiss and homework to check so in between all of that I have to still remember to shower, use the bathroom oh and brush my teeth.  My digital voice recorder stays in my pocket and I like it because it is small so it stays in my pocket so whenever I have an idea I grab the recorder and record my thoughts at that exact moment.  I have recorded dialog while standing in line at the grocery store, I have recorded sex scenes while sitting on the toilet, I've recorded plot ideas while on the treadmill.  My voice recorder holds so much creativity that I think it is the the right side of my brain.
My sister hates my recorder because she says that it looks like I'm talking to myself, but I don't think it is any worse than people walking around with blue-teeth (yes, I said teeth) stuck in their ears.  My sister is a nurse, not a writer, she has zero creativity so of course she doesn't understand how important it is to capture the idea or inspirational moment before you lose it.  She feels that it would be better if I wrote my ideas down, but I am not always around a pen or a piece of paper and I am sure I'd lose my notes during the chaos of my day so thanks sis, but I think that I will stick with my recorder.
So if you see me in the gym, grocery store, bank, one of my kid's schools or at a doctor's appointment and I'm talking to myself, please don't worry I'm most likely on my voice recorder or maybe I am, in fact just talking to myself.

TTFN!

What Ever Happened To Cake & Ice Cream?

Hey guys, Januari's 1st birthday party is around the corner and while at Target the other night my husband said, "Hey babe, what are we going to do for Pooh's 1st birthday?" I told him that we would have to look at some things on line and make a decision based on prices.  When we got home we logged into a few party places around the St. Louis area and since Januari is only turning 1 years old and can't walk our options are limited.  We were blown away by some of the prices of kids birthday parties these days!  Thinking that this bubble bus was a great idea since most kids loves bubbles we logged into the website where they bring this bubble bus over to your venue and he has about five bubble machines of all sorts and he basically plugs the machines in and they blow thousands of bubbles! I thought that it was a cool idea, that is until I looked at the price.  The cost of this bubble bus is $250 an hour!  So if my kids wanted to play in a bubble paradise for two hours it would cost me $500. In the day were gas prices are constantly soaring bringing the prices of every thing else up I don't think it would be smart to pay $250 an hour for bubbles!
Quickly we nixed that idea, so we move on to the next party idea.  Since Januari is our last princess we decided to throw her a princess themed party.  I'd heard a lot about this place in St. Louis that throws excellent 1st birthday parties so logging into their site I was amazed.  The princess themed parties were beautiful, for $400 you get hand-cut princess gown invitations, princess gowns and accessories, glitter and make up, dancing, storytelling, games, crafts an a photo session with a royal coronation.  Now if you want a tiara, princess t-shirt with each guest's name, themed cupcakes and bottled water, a CD of party images and princess thank you notes you have to shell out an additional $200.  Lets not forget if you want the party at your home you have to pay $250.  Oh and if you can't get Aunt Annie to dress up as a Princess and visit the kids, don't worry for an additional $60 you can get a princess for our party.
Next!
The popular bounce house is an exciting place for children ages 10 and under, my 3 and 6 year old boys love it, however why would I pay $400 for Januari to have her party at the bounce house when she can't even walk?
So I ask the question to my husband, whatever happened to cake and ice cream parties?  Watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills where I saw where Taylor Armstrong spent over $60,000 on her daughter's birthday party; a party in which the daughter didn't even enjoy herself and didn't really want to participate.  How can one justify that?  Yeah, I know that she has the money to do it, well her husband has the money, but at the same time what is that teaching her daughter?  I come from an age where if it was one of our birthdays mom and dad would get us a gift and we would have cake and ice cream with a few of our friends if not a birthday party at the local McDonalds for $100.  We were lucky to get a balloon. After cake and ice cream we would take to the streets and play a game of kick ball, but we had fun and we appreciated it all. I was not scarred for life for not getting a Bentley for my birthday.  Why does everything have to be so complicated?
My 17 year-old daughter use to watch the popular MTV show Sweet 16 where they showcased extravagant  Sweet 16 birthday parties. You wouldn't imagine how much some parents spent on these whiny, snotty-nosed teenage girls birthday parties!  Sometimes the price got up to over $300,000 for these girls with custom birthday cakes, extravagant invitations, two wardrobe changes and of course a luxury car for them to damage.  One girl threw a fit because her father didn't want to get her the Range Rover that she wanted, another girl was pissed that she didn't get the custom dress that she wanted; of course at the end they both got their way, but that isn't the point.  I'm telling you now there is nothing sweet about a 16 year-old and usually they don't get lavish birthday parties.  When Ta`keyha turned 16 last year, she got a $40 cake baked by a local baker, she got a few balloons, some pink, black and white decorations and a purse, netbook and some clothes and it didn't cost me half a million dollars.  She was more appreciative to have gotten less because it teaches our children that they are not entitled to everything that they want.  I teach my kids to work for the things that they want instead of relying on mom and daddy to just hand them things because in the real world nothing is handed to us.

Back to Januari's 1st birthday party, after an exhausting online search for party ideas for my Pooh, we decided that we are going to bring back the era of the cake and ice cream birthday party.  She will have a princess themed birthday party with a princess cake baked by the same local baker that baked my and my little sister's wedding cake, and my daughter's sweet sixteen cake, decorations will come from Party Magic and entertainment will be a story told by daddy and we will rent a bubble machine from the local party supply company.  I'm not rich, I haven't written three bestsellers (yet) and I don't receive any advancements or royalty checks in the mail (yet) but what I am is a hard-working mother of six wonderful children who will grow up to know that life isn't about what you can buy, but it is about how doing your best and treating people right.  

How Six Kids HELPS Your Sex Life!

In between writing and raising my children I do get a moment of time to spend with my husband, Kerri.  Tomorrow is our 8th wedding anniversary and while I am looking forward to it, we are not into all of the hoopla surrounding wedding anniversaries.  Its not our thing.  We will probably wake up, kiss, go to the gym, come home, watch T.V. and deal with the day-to-day activities of dealing with the house and the kids.
What surprises people about my husband and I is that we do have a very active and passionate sex life.  People tend to think that just because we have six rug rats that our sex life must be nonexistent.  Well these six kids came from somewhere didn't they? LOL.
Honestly having six kids actually HELPED our sex life...yes I said helped it.  See when you are living in a house with little people you have zero privacy and practically zero alone time.  However, there are times when we do find ourselves alone and able to have fun, but it takes some creativity.  For example, with six kids running around the house you have to be able to be spontaneous enough to get it in whenever and wherever the mood strikes you.  Sometimes there is a kid or two in our bed and the living room if completely off limits so we tend to gravitate towards the room that no kid dare to go....the laundry room.   Oh yeah the laundry room can be quite sexy at times...instead of the scents of lavender and musk filling the room you have to tolerate the smells of Gain and Bounce, but hey I like the smell of clean clothes.  Instead of the plush feel of down comforters and 1200 thread-count sheets you have to tolerate the feel of an ice cold washing machine.  It takes some manipulating of your body and some arm strength on behalf of your guy, but trust me it can be done.  The laundry room works so well because no one likes doing laundry except for me so I know that the kids won't make their way down there  (I don't know that they even know where the laundry room exist for that matter).
Another great place is the garage which we call the storage area...it is filled with items that we no longer have a use for but are too lazy to toss so we just throw it all in the garage.   I know the kids won't venture in there because of fear that we may ask them to actually help us clean it.  When we say that we are in the garage you should see how fast the kids scatter.   My husband and I have gotten it on in some strange places and when we think about it now we just laugh it off...we are like two horny teens.  We use to wait until the kids took naps, but our schedules are so crazy that it is impossible and when the kids nap I'm either writing, cleaning the house, running an errand or trying to nap myself.
I cannot believe how many people tell me that they don't have an active sex life because of their kids...remember before there were six there was two, me and you.  We have to continue to connect with our mates in order for our lives to be happy and complete.  I am a wife first, a mother second and a writer third.
Being creative is the key to a good marriage and a great sex life, you can't let having six kids hold you back from enjoying your mate as you once did.  You cannot be afraid of being spontaneous and thinking outside of the box from time-to-time.  So the next time you are in the laundry room, grab your mate and have at it.

TTFN

Why Skeletons

Good Palm Sunday!
I'm going to get right into the topic of today's blog because my mother-in-law wants us to join her for church this morning.  While I'm not a religious person my spirit is leading me to the service because I think that there is a message there for me.

Anywho....

Why Skeletons? This is a question that was posed to me about a month ago and the reason that I chose to write about this topic is because nearly everyone that I know has some sort of skeleton in their closet.  Some skeletons are as small as a snakes such as a co-worker who that regularly steals paper clips from the office.  Now some skeletons can be super-sized such as a man living on the down low and endangering not only his own life but also the lives of his wife and children.  The point is that we all have some sort of secret that we don't want anyone to know for one reason or another.

While researching for Skeletons I was wondering what were some of the most dangerous secrets that women keep, what are the reasons that they keep those skeletons hidden in their closets behind Christian Louboutin shoes and Gucci purses and how far would we go to keep those secrets hidden.  I thought about what would happen if those skeletons started banging on the doors trying to escape and how that revelation would change the lives of so many people.    The skeletons that my characters, Jovanna, Santana and Phoenix are trying to hide are secrets that are too deep and damaging that if these skeletons escape they would ruin everything that these ladies have built their lives around.  Skeletons also tells a story of how far these women would go to keep their secrets cloaked in darkness rather than to face them head on and how keeping secrets from loved ones can cause not only pain and distrust but also could cost someone their life.

We all keep some sort of skeleton in our closet, I have secrets that I don't want anyone to know about (such as Gephyrophobia) but my skeletons are not going to cause havoc in my life or hurt the ones that I love.  My secrets are just things that I'd rather not scream out to the world, but yet they are there. What are some skeletons that are in your closet, deeply hidden beneath piles of clothing, behind old shoe boxes and shopping bags.  What would you do if those skeletons started banging on your door? 

Everyone Is A Character

Good morning; I haven't blogged in a few days because I was busy helping out with my granny's funeral.  I've been somewhat of a walking zombie, but I'm glad that I made that sacrifice because she sacrificed so much for us and she was laid to rest perfectly.  The tears that I shed were selfish tears because I didn't want her to go.  I felt hurt that she left us, but I rejoice that she lived a great life and that she is now at peace.  I love my granny and all that she taught me is still in me to this day. She believed in my talents as a writer and she wanted me to get published, but she wanted me to work hard for the the things that I wanted as well.  She will be missed but never, ever forgotten.
A friend once asked me how do I sit down and come up with the characters of my book because it seems like she knows them personally.  What non-writers tend to think is that I sit down and think when in actuality when I'm developing a character there is no sitting or deep thinking involved.  Everyone is a character.  I get a lot of character ideas from just people watching with a creative flair.  For example, standing in line at the grocery store I saw a woman in her mid thirties, she was very well dressed a black NY&Co pants suit, black high heels, matching D&G purse.  Her hair was styled with each strand in place and her makeup was extravagant, yet flawless.  This woman was not being nominated for Beauty Queen of America, but she was confident and she presented herself well.  Out of all of that she wore one thing that really stood out for me, on her right wrist she wore a simple yet elegant silver DKNY watch.  I have saw this same elegant time piece on other people before, in fact my little sister has this same watch, however, on this anonymous woman this watch spoke to me.  The time piece was polished and clean, with silver D link details and large rectangle face, this simple watch is what pulled the whole outfit together.  In Skeletons, my character Santana wears this same watch, Santana also seems to be well put together and elegant yet in her closet hides a skeleton that is banging on her door trying to get out while Santana attempts to close the door to keep her secrets hidden.
Santana is loosely based off of the lady in the grocery store because while she put her items on the conveyor belt I looked her her purchases.  The extra large box of Lucky Charms cereal and gallon of vitamin D milk, Gushers Fruit Snacks, Rainbow Chips Ahoy told me that she not only was a mother, but that she was a mother of one to three children, hence the jumbo box of cereal.  The case of vitamin water, fat-free this and thats, Silk soy milk, whole grain Sara Lee bread and Greek yogurt told me that even though she worked and had children she also watched her weight and cared about what she put in her body. She was on her cell phone fussing about the dishes not being done, the bed not being straightened and what was for dinner and the large rock on her finger told me that she was married.  It was the way that she rolled her eyes while she talked to her husband, how she seemed upset after the phone conversation and the fact that her credit card was declined  that told me that she was presenting herself so perfectly in public because things were imperfect at home. I could be wrong, but in my sick mind I developed Santana.
Oftentimes I base parts of my characters on people that I know, such as the sassy attitude of Jovanna is based on my oldest sister, Tiffany who is a character in herself.  I based Santana's husband, Mike off of my brother-in-law, Kenneth with his laid-back personality and all-business-little-play attitude.  Then some of my characters are based off of people that I don't know at all, such as the lady in the grocery store; I am a people watcher and once a person catches my eye I make up a whole story about his or her life.
I don't have time to sit and think, so most of my characters are thought up as I go throughout my daily activities.  So if you see me out and I'm watching you, be sure to pick up one of my books because YOU may be a character in it too!
TTFN!