The Myth Of The 50/50 Relationship

The Myth of The 50/50 Relationship

 

 

Let's talk math.

1 +1=2

10 /2=5

50% of 100= 50

 

I hate math party because I never really got it. My creative brain doesn't like the finality of math. I like to Play around with words make this mean that then turn all around and make that mean this. In my mind two plus two equals six because mom plus dad equal six kids. The thing that I love about math is the same thing that I hate about it...in math there are no grey areas. No matter how my little brain wants to bend, stretch and twist it 2 +2 will always equal four.

The only grey area in any math equation is when you come to relationships. I hear plenty of women and men saying that they want a relationship that is 50/50. In other words we desire complete equality in our relationship and I say that the 50/50 relationship is a myth. I would have a better chance of Brad Pitt reciting me meaningless poetry than I do with finding a relationship that is truly 50/50. I'd run the risk of running into a quadracorn before I found a relationship where both parties contributed EXACTLY fifty percent.

The truth of the matter is that no relationship is 50/50 because one person will always contribute more to the run of the relationship that the other. For example, in the 21st century many woman have full-time careers outside of the home and because of the way the economy is many men have lost their jobs becoming stay at home dads. There is nothing wrong with that, but here is where the math come in.

The woman is already contributing 50% by just going to work but let's factor in when she gets home she still has to deal with the kids (10%), housework that only she can handle (5%) and spousal time (10%) now she is up to 75% and he is at 65%. This equation also works when the man works and the woman stays at home.
In cases where both parties work outside of the home they start out at an equal 50% each but someone has to cook dinner (10%), walk Spot (10%), help with homework (20%), clean (10%) and the list goes on and on leaving the scale slightly unbalanced.
Don't freak out yet! There is nothing wrong with your relationship is slightly unbalanced (note that I put emphasis on the word slightly) that does not mean that your relationship is doomed. It is possible to have balance in an unbalanced relationship. I know that sounds strange but hear me out. I am a believer of each person in the relationship using his or her strengths to help make the relationship stronger and to help the family run smoother. For example if she is a wiz at getting the kids in and out the shower in less than 30 minutes while he is a master in the kitchen then utilize those strengths to the best of your ability. If he keeps the house tidy while she is better at handspring the household finances then so be it.
What I'm saying is find the balance that works for you and if the scale tips slightly then so what. If it works it works!
The only time that this equation does not work is when the scales have been tipped too far on one side. That is when you find your equation more 80/20 or 90/10 and one party is taking on allot the entirety of the relationship and of the household. When you find yourself in this predicament you need to speak with your partner to find a suitable solution to the problem.
I'm all for equality in a relationship but do not strive too hard for things to be 50/50 because not all of the time does the math have to add up.
TTYL

The Glamorous Life of An Author

I am excited that no longer am I a writer who is on a journey to become an author because now I AM an author.
I am THE author of Skeletons and now I am pleased to announce that I am the author of my second book, Son Of A Preacher Man which will be released this fall.
I like to think of myself as a humble person, when people give me kudos about writing Skeletons I look at them like, "oh you are talking about me?" because a writer is who I am or as Lady Gaga says, I was born this way. So when people say, "OMG you wrote a book!" or "OMG Skeletons was soooo good!" I don't think of it as a big deal because I didn't do anything special to write it, I just sat down and wrote. That's it.
But now I have to admit it, I am no longer just Shimeka, nope, I am the Author Shimeka McFadden.

Funny thing is when I think of an author I think of Carrie Bradshaw sitting in her apartment in Manhattan dressed in a pair of Christian Dior cut offs, Alexander McQueen t-shirt tied in a knot at her waist while typing on the latest Mac book Air while drinking a Mimosa. I thought that being an author was glitz and glamor instead it is the exact opposite.
In reality authors are D-list celebrities at best unless you are Stephen King, James Patterson or one of J.K. Rowling and even then when you see them they are a far cry from glamorous. When I sit down to write, I'm either sitting on my bed with a cup of Kool-Aid and a kid by my side with my husband screaming at whatever sport that is in season. Dressed in my last pair of clean yoga pants and a stretched out tank top and my glasses I pound away at the keyboard creating fictional worlds in which my characters are more glamorous than I.

Alton isn't Manhattan, but I am an author.

The only designer in my closet are a pair of Michael Kors jeans that I can no longer fit, yet I am an author.

My husband isn't Big, but I am an author.

My afternoons aren't spent sitting on the patio of a fancy restaurant talking to my friends, yet I am still an author.



So the next time someone makes a big deal about my books, I am going to make a big deal out of it too because I have always been a writer, but it took guts to become an author and that is something to be proud of.

Now without further adieu, I bring you Son of A Preacher Man coming Fall of 2012



Author of The Bliss, Playground and Poison Series K.D. Harris

First, who is K.D. Harris?

K.D Harris is a mother of two lovely girls, an avid reader, radio host and writer; from little old Delaware.

　

My love affair with books began at an early age, can you remember the first book that you read that sparked your interest in the written word?

I remember reading those little Golden books as early as yeas four years old; I was twelve when the thought of writing came about. I was in the seventh grade and V.C Andrews’s books were floating from class to class. I was reading Judy Blume, ad R.L Stein at that time. One day my best friend gave me, ‘If There Be Thorns” the first book in the Flowers in the Attic series-I was hooked. It was then when I decided if I would ever become a write I would want to be the black V.C Andrews.

Who are some of your favorite authors?

V.C Andrews, T. Styles/Reign, Anne Rice and a few others.

　

Many authors that I have interviewed have told me some of the things that inspired them to begin writing, what are you inspired by?

My children.

　

The literary world can be just as much of a cut-throat industry as music and film. What are some of the most surprising things about that literary world?

The amount of authors that lack the knowledge of basic creative writing and marketing/branding surprised me. They are the key elements to become a successful author.

　

K.D. you have been in the literary game a little bit longer than I have, what are some things that you would have liked for an veteran author to have told you when you first started out?

I was blessed, Toy (T.Styles) pretty much groomed me as an author. I knew the importance of branding, touring, and honing your craft. Michele A. Fletcher, my current publisher, she has taught me the publishing business in a whole marketing, sale, and distribution, everything that I lacked-she developed.

Self-publishing is blowing up the literary world, with successes stories such as Treasure Blue, K'Wan, Shan and T Styles. How has self-publishing changed the book game?

I think it’s beautiful if you have the right knowledge and capital to do it correctly.

Tell my readers about your Bliss Series?

Bliss is my baby; this is the first novel I ever penned. Poison was my fist published novel. My readers have deemed Bliss, as a psycho-sexual thriller. I totally went to the left with this series. I call writing factual fiction-so real you’ll think I’m writing about you. Bliss deals with REAL situations that people like to hide under the rug. I love-love-love this series!

　

After releaseing Skeletons, many of my readers wanted me to release a part two to the book. While I am not planning to release Skeletons part 2, I do see many authors, such as yourself, who do release subsequent titles to their books. What determines rather or not you write a series?

I pretty much let my readers decide. If I get an overwhelming response and people want more; if I can add more and keep as exciting as the first-I will.

　

Tell the readers a little bit about Playground.

Playground is a book that I did with Model Bubbles. She is a video vixen and has been featured in a few men and Hip Hop magazines. This book is based on two females who come from two separate walks of life but end up in the same place, the strip club.

　

Anthologies are becoming pretty popular amongst authors and readers alike, have you ever written or would you ever consider writing an anthology with other authors?

Working with another author was interesting…would I do it again-uh I doubt it. I never say never, just not right now.

　

Social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter have helped create buzz about many authors, but as I'm sure that you are aware of these same sites can cause an authors downfall. What is your take on social media and the literary world?

I think you should use it as a marketing tool-don’t let it be your sole source of marketing.

　

Lastly, what is next for K.D. Harris?

At the time I am adding the finishing touches to my novel, The Other Side. I have Dyck Dizzy, Playground and a surprise novel coming early 2013.

Also, I currently have a Blog talk radio show called Factual Fiction with K.D Harris, I am also working with my daughter on her first book under my company Posh Literary Group.

I would like to say thank you to K.D. Harris for her interview. You can find her books on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and on her website.

You can connect with K.D. Harris on the following sites:
www.iamkdharris.com
www.lffpublishing.com
Twitter: @kdharris
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/KDXTREME
Blog Talk Radio Factual Fiction: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/search/factual-fiction-/


TTYL