The News!

Hi everyone, once again I apologize for the brief hiatus but I have been so busy wrapping up Skeletons that I seem to have forgotten about space, time, showering, combing my hair and brushing my teeth so just imagine what spot on my totem pole that blogging has been.

Nevertheless I finish what I set out to finish when I was just a wide-eyed twelve-year old in the sixth grade: writing and publishing my first book.  It has been a long journey, but part of any journey is walking the road and let me tell you the road to becoming a self-published author is not a smooth one.  I read a blog from another self-published author who said that writing the book was the easy part and that is the truth!  Being that I am a creative thinker the writing part came easy, the ideas and words poured out of me like the salt poured out the the container from the Mortin salt girl. Dumb analogy, but you get my point I'm sure.
After finishing Skeletons, I had to set out on the journey of sending it to  a few unbiased people to read it over just to ensure that it made sense and that it kept their attention; after all who wants to read a book that makes no sense and you lose interest after the fifth page?  I also wanted to know their honest opinions on what they thought of the story.  So needless to say my dad did not get a copy of the book because he is kind of partial to his little Princess.  After five honest reviews of the unedited draft of Skeletons, I took some of their thoughts and opinions into consideration, revised, then off to the editor it went.
Waiting on the editor to finish editing my book was such a long process so while he worked his dreaded red pen I began the task of setting up my very own publishing company, Six Kids & A Pen Publishing.  After all to be considered an actually self-publisher you kind of have to have some sort of a publishing entity in the publishing world.  When people ask me if it was hard to set my company I tell them that it was easy as pie, but you had to have the right information so that you can know exactly what you need.  First I obtained my ISBN numbers and bar code, then I established my LCCN number from the Library of Congress, I also had to get a tax ID number and last but not least I had to register with my state in order to do business in the state of Illinois.  I wanted to make sure that I dotted all of my i's and crossed all of my t's.
While I was doing that I contacted a graphic designer to design my cover which I am proud to unveil for the first time on my blog:

After one one or two revisions we finally got it right and I have to say for my first book cover it is pretty snazzy.
Once the editor handed me my baby back I began the fun task of another round of revisions (yeah!!!!!) which took like a week because it is hard to revise accurately with a one year-old stuck to your hip.  Then came the task of finding someone to handle the interior layout of my book (who knew that people actually designed book interiors?).  Since I'd rather put my money elsewhere, I'm pretty computer literate and I have inDesign and Photoshop I decided to tackle this task myself.  Let me tell you book design isn't for the lazy or the people who lack attention to detail.  While designing the interior of my book there were times that I wanted to rip part of my afro out while running out of the room screaming.  IT WAS DIFFICULT, but I stayed task and I didn't give up.  I also learned a lot from www.youtube.com and www.thebookdesigner.com which is a blog that I follow religiously.  I was very proud when I finally saved my book as a Pdf file.
Once I finished that I finally uploaded my baby to the outlets that I am using for printing and distribution.  While I waited for those to be approved and for my proofs to be sent out to me I set up my facebook fan page at www.facebook.com/skeletons2011 (if you have facebook be sure to click the like button to follow my page).  

Now it is time for me to sit back and relax, right?  WRONG! No relaxing, while I wait for the proofs to get here, I have to market and promote my book!  It was a sweltering 105 degrees outside while my husband an myself distributed postcards throughout our community then we went to another state to distribute to their communities.  Whew!  Promotion is very important because how can someone know that my book exists if they don't know that it exists?  While I promote my book, school is set to begin on August 17th so I have a slew of doctor and dentist appointments as well as school shopping, school registrations and meet and greeting the teachers for this year.
I haven't forgotten about my blog, but I have just been so busy that I have no time to do anything for myself (I swear if you saw my toes, they have been begging for a pedicure for weeks).   So thanks for following me through my journey, it has been a long, but exciting one and I hope that you stick around for the second part after Skeletons goes into publication on 09/18/2011.  Don't forget to visit my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/skeletons2011 and click Like with the tumbs up and stop by my Twitter page at www.twitter.com/sixkids_pen or just click one of the follow buttons on the right!

TTFN!

How Comfy is Too Comfy?

Okay, so here is the scenario, you wake up one morning with your bladder full of Moscato, Patron or root beer so you make a mad dash to the bathroom, but the door is closed.  After knocking your honey opens the door with his face covered in shaving cream and a towel wrapped around his waste.  Your bladder is about to explode, but he is trying to get ready for work, what do you do?

A.  You make him get out while your relieve yourself
B.  You push him aside and plop down on the toilet while he finishes his shave
C.  You roll your eyes and run outside to squat and hope that your neighbors don't catch you

How comfortable are you in your relationship and is there even a such thing as being too comfortable?

When I was growing up my mother and grandmother were on this whole 'lady-like' kick where a lady didn't let a man know that she has normal body functions.  I was told that you never burp, pick your nose, fart, scratch, dig your panties out of your butt or use the bathroom in front of a man.  A woman never allows a man to see her unmentionables in the dirty clothes, she never leave your tampon or pad papers in the garbage (no matter how tightly rolled they are) when a man is in the house and a woman holds whatever it is that her body wants to do until the man leaves (no matter how painful it is) or she politely excuses herself from the room to handle her business.  
I went through nine years of torture with my first serious relationship; for nine years he didn't know that I picked my nose, he didn't know that I had farts that could clear a room and for nine years he never knew if I had a bowel movement that size of Texas!  The problem was I was taught not to get so comfortable in your relationship that you compromised your femininity.  On the other hand men don't hold themselves to those type of constraints, they will cut one loose that will burn down a house without even batting an eye.
Now my husband, on the other hand, he gets to know the real me.  He knows that I blow my nose when I'm sick or when I get out of the shower, he knows that I can clear a building with my chili cheese gas and he has seen me been int he bathroom while I did the #1 (#2 ummm no) hell some of our decisions are made while one of use is relieving ourselves.  What is the big deal?  My husband has seen my vagina transform from something the size of a lime to something the size of a MAC truck during childbirth! My husband has seen my uterus!  My husband was the one who took care of me after I had our last child that that included wiping up various blood clots off of the bathroom floor!  So to think that I can't even pass gas in front of him is absurd!
On the other hand I know couples who go all out with the comfort and will have bowel movements with the other one standing right there.  That is too comfy for me.  First of all I do my best thinking on the toilet and secondly I have smelled the bathroom after my husband has destroyed our sewer system and if it smells that bad after the fact I certainly do not want to be in there during the fact!

The thing is being comfortable enough to let it all hang out and be yourself in your relationship depends upon your own comfort level with yourself.  Are you comfortable being yourself in front of your man?  If you can't love you and your bodily functions how in the world do you expect someone else to?  I am not saying fart around the guy on your first date, but what I am saying is don't put so much stress on yourself to be perfect.   I think that in relationships it is important to be who you are early on because you can't fake the funk forever.

TTFN!

Are You The Old Person In The Club? Time To Hang Up Your Disco Shoes!

Okay, it was my husband's 30th birthday so my sister, her husband and I decided to hang up our mommy and daddy hats and lace up our dancing shoes for a wild night out on the town to celebrate my honey turning 30!  I remember my sister and I hitting up the club scene every day but Sunday when I was in my 20s, but all of that changed when children and responsibilities were the things to keep us up at night instead of the bright lights and loud music of the nightlife.
When I use to go out we called our friends to see if they would join, but now my husband and I called a babysitter to see if she was available!  Instead of the hot pink crochet top (that I had to adjust to hide my nipples) that stopped right above my navel and left my back completely bare with a pair of skin tight jeans and a pair of the higest stiletto heels that I could find; now I wore a pair of white linen trousers with a green silk top and a pair of flats.  Back then we gladly paid the $3 cover to get into the club, but now we frowned at the $10 cover that we were being charged saying "hell I could have put that in the gas tank!"  I remember bullying my way onto the crowded dance floor as soon as we stepped into the club, but now all four of us 30-somethings went to the bar huddled together watching the dance floor from a distance.
It was not the fact that we were most likely the oldest people in the club, it was not the fact that my husband was tired and ready to go home at midnight and complaining that we missed an episode of Real Time with Bill Mauer, it was not even the fact that my sister was pissed that the bartender charged her $11 for a martini, but it was the fact that a girl bumped into me and said the dreaded words, "excuse me ma'am."

I am only 34 years old and by any means am I anyone's ma'am! With that one comment she let me know that we were the old people in the club...eek.

I was ready to go.
It hurt, but the salt on our wound came when we handed the valet our ticket and he pulled our bright red Dodge Caravan in front of all of the coupes and sedans and we did the walk of shame getting into our van, but when I opened our door a sippy cup rolled out...I was to ashamed to pick it up and throw it back in.


I can remember going out and seeing the older gentleman sitting on a bar stool, drinking a Tom Collins, wearing the poly-blend shirt with the outdated print and black slacks.  He never gets up because his feet hurt from standing all day at work, he never dances because he has a bad back...he only watches.  Why does he watch, well most likely the same reason that we watched the 20 something crowd bump and grind on the dance floor that night, because we didn't know the songs, we didn't know the dance moves and we were tired from our busy day.  

Back in my hay day I knew how to boogie on the dance floor and I'd bump and grind on who ever was standing next to me, but now that I am older I still dance (in my living room) and I like some club tunes (from the 90s), but I don't want any one other than my husband grinding on me.
Being the old person in the club has to suck, but there is a cure for it....stop going to clubs trying to party with the 20 something crowd!  Find a club or a lounge that is fit for your own age group to ensure that you don't look as lost as we did and not be the oldest person in the club.  Look, I have nothing against people going out and having a good time at the club, but come on 30 and 40 somethings if you think that you have something in common with those kids on the dance floor then you are delusional.  If you actually do have something in common with them then maybe you need to check your maturity level while you are checking your bags at the door.  It is time to come to the reality that we are getting to old to look forward to the club scene and leave that to the younger crowd.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe older people should be kicking it at the club, but I have six children, I have a book that I'm publishing, my husband has a full time job and household responsibilities to keep up with and we have lots of TV to watch and missed sleep to catch up on so we don't have time to hang out at the club.  So if you are in your 30s, 40's, 50's or even 60's for that matter and find it enduring to hang out at the night clubs then by all means do what you do, but please learn the latest dance moves and the current hits before you are the old man on the dance floor doing the cabbage patch!

TTFN!

BEWARE: The Serial Single Guy, You May Be His Next Victim!

Hi, I know that it has been a while, but I've been busy with getting Skeleton's formatted, covered and ready for print that I had to take a mini vacation to Chicago just to take a slight break.  Now that I am back and feeling relaxed and refreshed I am ready to get back into the swing of things.

While riding in the car with one of my closest 40-something male friends he was telling me about why this girl was not right for him, but neither was that girl, or the last five women that he has dated.  I quickly diagnosed the signs of a serial single.  The serial single guy is the guy who, like my friend, is between the age of 30-50, who either lives alone (because at this age most guy are married or living with someone) or in his parent's basement and the serial single guy has had a string of relationships but none of them were 'right' for him.  No matter how good a woman may be for the serial single guy he will find a reason why she isn't the one no matter how absurd the reason may be.

"Her hair was too long"
"Her nose was too pointy"
"She didn't like poetry"
"I don't like her dog"

"She smelled too good"

"Her   eyes are too blue"

"She has never been to Canada"

You get my point; no matter the reason the serial single guy will find any excuse to remain single.   He might be totally into you, but he will find things about you that he doesn't like or he will sabotage the relationship so that you will break things off with him. Keep in mind that the serial single guy will put up the front that he wants to find someone and settle down, but he just has not found 'the one yet'.  He has to keep this front up in order to secure his spot in various female's lives, why else would a woman date a man who has no intentions of settling down? Dating a serial single is like dating a serial killer, you hope that he will change, but without help he won't. 

Why would a man choose to sleep alone for the rest of his life?  Well, first there are grown men who are still afraid of commitment, but I also think that the serial single guy is afraid not only of being in a committed relationship that has expectations and responsibility, but also he is afraid of being hurt.  Men respond to emotional pain differently than women; when women get hurt in a relationship we allow ourselves to feel that pain and with the help of a few close girlfriends, a couple shots of tequila and a pint of Cherry Garcia Ice Cream we deal with it and eventually go on to love again.  Men on the other hand when they get their hearts broken they shut down and many of them will never give their heart to another woman again.  

A woman who has suffered a blow to her heart will heal through accepting her feelings and talking about it; however, men are not as open to communicating their emotional feelings as well as women, they lock those feelings up and some of them become jaded at the thought of being in love and will never let themselves fall that hard again.  

Don't get me wrong, most men will go on to give their heart to another, but it won't be as wholeheartedly as it was the first time around because that pain has not been dealt with therefore it is still there and since he is afraid of feeling that way again he won't fall as hard the next time around.  Ask any man how many times he has been deeply in love and I almost guarantee that most of them will say once maybe even twice, but ask a woman and her number will be well over that of a man. 

What should a woman do if she finds herself dating a serial single man? Should she run and hide or should she stick around and hope that she will be the woman to change him into Mr. Relationship?  Well that all depends upon the tolerance level of the woman as well as if she has the time to stick around and wait on him to come around (which there is no guarantee that he ever will).  If you find yourself taking a hot shower and you see the silhouette of the serial single guy through the shower curtain, don't run away in fear, instead let him know up front what it is that you expect from the relationship and ask that he do the same. If he is open and honest with you and says that he isn't looking for a relationship, you cannot get mad, but know your position in his life and act accordingly.  You can't treat a serial single man as you would a man who is at least open to the idea of being in a long-term relationship with you so save the candle lit dinners and trips to Cabo to the men who have relationship potential. 

I suggest that you do this after three or four dates that way you have felt him out and know that he could be someone that you want in your life long-term and this is before any real feelings have developed so your heart won't be broken if he says that he isn't in it for the long run.  

The serial single man can be a lot of fun to hang out with and to keep around for a roll in the hay every once in the while, but ladies please don't get your hopes up when dealing with one of these men or you may find your self another victim of the serial single's rampage!

TTFN!!!