The Conditions of Unconditional Love

 Happy Mother's Day to all of you beautiful mothers out there working hard to keep things together.  I know that I am a day late, but I think that mothers should be celebrated every single day.  Being a mother is hard work, not only because of the day-to-day duties of cooking, cleaning, laundry, wiping snot, boogers and butts but also because of the unconditional love that mothers give to their children no matter what.  When someone says, "a face that only a mother could love" that is not only an insult, but it is saying that no matter how hideous a person is their mother is guaranteed to see the beauty and still love them for that.  Mothers love their children no matter if they are short or tall; skinny or thin; ugly or pretty; or mentally or physically challenged, a mother's love can see past all of that and that love is the epitome of true love. However, can a man or a woman have unconditional love for their partner?

The Sam I Am Theory

Remember in the children's book Green Eggs And Ham by Dr. Suess, when under no conditions or circumstances was he going to eat green eggs and ham which were conveniently provided by Sam I Am.

Would you eat them in a house?

Would you eat them with a mouse?

I do not eat them in a house

I do not want them with a mouse

I do not like them here or there

I do not like them anywhere

I do not like green eggs and ham

I do not like them Sam I Am.

Now, we all are aware that at the end of the book he ended up eating the green eggs and ham (and enjoyed them) but that is not the point.  Under no conditions did he like green eggs and ham.  Let's visit that in reverse when it comes to love.  Could you love your mate like a mother loves her child, under any conditions?  For example, if your mate cheated on you does that change the love that you have for him?  Under the rules of unconditional love it sates: to love without conditions.  So if you love your cheating mate unconditionally, then you will welcome him with open arms when he comes home from his late night tryst with the girl next door, right? Wrong. If you love your partner unconditionally then that means when your partner goes out and blows his entire paycheck at the casino, mall, bar, nightclub or brothel you will smile and make him a breakfast of pancakes and eggs in the morning, right? Wrong.  If you have hearts and stars in your eyes when you see your mate, whom you love unconditionally (remember) when he tells you that he no longer loves you, your heart will still swoon for him, right? Wrong.   If you love without conditions that means just that, you love WITHOUT conditions.  Just as in Green Eggs and Ham, he wouldn't eat them under any conditions...that is until the conditions were just right and he just wanted Sam I Am to leave him alone.

Conditional Love

For the most part people do love with conditions, if not then we would accept being used, abused, cheated on, lied to and the such without question.  If people really had unconditional love for their partners then the divorce rate would drop down and relationships would not end because we would love our partner no matter what.  Loving someone no matter what is impossible for us to do because we are all different and we all have conditions in which we want to be treated and under which we want to live.  Instead of saying I love you unconditionally, just say "I love you only under the condition that you don't lie to me, you don't cheat on me, you don't steal from a me, you don't ignore me, you don't get fat, you don't spend money on bullshit and that you don't use drugs."  Who wants to say all of that to someone, that puts a lot of pressure on your soon-to-be partner, but it is the truth and isn't that what we owe one another?  The truth of the matter is we do put conditions on each other when it comes to love, but they are unspoken conditions disguised by the word unconditional because we don't think that we have to verbalize those conditions in which we are willing to put our heart out on the line for someone else. 

I love my husband, but that love is a conditional love; I love him under the conditions that are favorable to me and I am sure that he feels the same way about me.  I love my children, but that is unconditional love, I will love them if they walked out of my house and robbed Fifth-Third Bank, I would love them while I was calling the police to come and pick them up.  We don't love our romantic partners in the same way that we love our children; it is impossible.  However, that dosent' mean that we can't be in love with our partner and still want to spend the rest of our lives with that person.  That just means that we love you with conditions. 

In my upcoming book, Skeletons, Mike is struggling with rather he can still love his wife under the conditions in which is put forth in their marriage.  I am so excited about my book and I cannot wait to see it in print soon. 

TTFN!