I Love Me: Being Selfish In Love

Being Selfish In Love

Is there ever a time to be selfish in life? When we are young we are taught to share our toys with either or siblings, neighborhood kids or our pesky cousins. When we get into our teens we have to share our time with our friends and family. Then when we become an adult we have to share our space with the rest of the world. When is there ever a time for us to be selfish? I'll tell you the most important time to be selfish is when you are selfish in love. 

Yeah, I said it. Sue me...you won't get much. 

After all of these years I have finally figured it out...it is not what I give another person that will make him happy. It is not what I give another person that will make me happy, but it is what I have given to myself that will make me happy and when I'm happy hopefully he is happy as well because he is also giving to himself. 

Look there is nothing wrong with being selfish in love. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about being selfish with your heart. What I'm saying is that being selfish in love is knowing exactly who you are, what you want and how you want it. Think about all of those years you have wasted trying to make someone else happy. Giving someone else what they wanted. Doing what made someone else happy. Being the person that someone else wanted you to be. Were you ever truly happy? 

I love myself. I adore Shimeka. I think that I am the cat's meow. I think that I

am the shit. I think that I am  what's up. I love the shit out of me and I'm  not 

ashamed to admit it.  I am not conceited. I'm convinced. 

What I have learned in my thirty-five years of life is that when I lived for the love and acceptance of another person, I was not happy. I fought for them to love me back. However, when I started to just love me and do what made me happy that is when I was truly happiest. I wanted to go to Chicago so I went. I wanted to quit my job and write a book. So I did it. I wanted to chop all of my hair off and go natural. So I did it. I wanted to get my degree. So I did. I did what I wanted to do at all cost and guess what I finally knew what made me happy. The way that I see it we are here for just a short time and if we spend 85% of that time trying to please another person, that leaves very little time for us to please ourselves.   

People will try to make you feel like crap for living the life that you want to live and they will shun you for being selfish, but that is because they are to coward to step outside of the box and live the life that they want to live the way that they want to live it. I'm not talking about doing anything crazy, illegal or something that will make your spouse want to leave you or your children ashamed. What I'm talking about is doing the things that you have always wanted to do. I am talking about having a love affair with yourself and loving each and every moment of it. 

What happens when you stop loving someone else and begin that love affair with yourself? You stop putting up with someone else's bullshit; loving them they are loving themselves. When you start putting you first and loving yourself you no longer feel the need for another person's validation. When you validate yourself and love yourself you start to notice the things that you will and will not put up with. You start to let your voice be known. You start to let people know who you are and what you are about. When you love yourself you will not put up with someone treating you the way that they want to treat you and you will demand that they treat you the way that you want to be treated. 

When you love you, you won't have to worry about your heart being broken because you love you so much that you won't stick around for your heart to even get a crack. When you love yourself you won't cry over him/her at night because you love you too much for that. Loving yourself makes you hold your head up high. It puts a pep in your step. A swing in your arms and a whistle upon your lips. 

There is nothing wrong with being selfish in love because it allows us to hold ourselves accountable for how we allow another person to treat us. There is nothing wrong with loving someone else, but when you love yourself you no longer hold another person accountable for how they treat you because you love yourself to much to allow nonsense in your life. I will be the first to admit I am a selfish lover and I want my husband to be equally as selfish. I want him to live his life the way that he wants to live it because he has to make himself happy before he can make me happy. I have to live my life the way that I see fit because I have to make myself happy before I can make anyone else happy. Luckily we both want to live our lives together and right now we are happy and we make one another happy.  That is what being in love with yourself does it you....

TTYL