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“Stopping a
piece of work just because it’s hard, either emotionally or imaginatively, is a
bad idea. Sometimes you need to go on when you don’t feel like it and sometimes
you’re doing good work when it feels like all you’re managing is to shovel shit
from a sitting position.”
Stephen King
This quote moved me because before publishing Skeletons I'd been writing since I was in grade school, but I didn't have the confidence to put anything out there. I remember when I moved out of my mother's house I had at least 15 spiral notebooks full of short stories or books that I'd started but never finished. I began Skeletons in 2005, but because I kept starting and stopping, starting and stopping I didn't complete it until 2011. I didn't have all of the tools that I needed to become successful. I thought that self-publishing was too expensive and that no one reads self-published books. I didn't know any other writers who I could fellowship with and learn from. That made it frustrating so I stopped. I wasn't serious, but I wanted to be taken seriously.
First, I had to take my writing seriously. I had to read more, not read more fiction because I'd been doing that since I was a kid. I had to read more on my craft. So I went to the library I borrowed books on writing. I logged into the interned and I read blog posts on self-publishing that I could. Lastly I enlisted help. I asked questions. I researched. I cashed in favors from people that owed me them just to get them to watch the kids so that I could get in some writing time. I was not stopping.
I finished. Skeletons was published on September 18, 2011. I did it. Now I'm at it again and this time I'm more organized and knowledgeable. This time I have Stephen Kings quote right above my television so every morning when I wake up to the Today Show I read that quote. This time there is no starting then stopping...nope this time I look at my writing quota of 2.500 words a day and sometimes I meet it, sometimes I don't, but sometimes I surprise myself and pass it. I set a deadline and by hook or crook I will meet that deadline because I take my writing seriously and I want to be successful and successful people don't quit!
Whew.
Okay so now that I got that out of the way on to the topic of today's blog:
Crossing The Finish Line Does Not Always Mean You Have Won
The sweat has been pouring down your face since the first lap. Your heart is pounding so hard that it feels as if it is going to jump out of your chest and run its own race. Your knees feel like they are just going to give out. You feel a cramp coming on. No matter how much you try to control it your breathing is harsh and ragged and you feel as if you just want to give up. The woman to your left is getting tired, she doesn't want to deal with it any more you throw her a smirk of victory as she slows down and stops. The woman to your right quit before the second lap. Now you are are the last man standing, you give it all that you got until finally he agrees and makes you his. You've crossed the finish line...you won!
Or did you?
A friend of mine was in a similar race, not a race for a gold medal, but a race for someone's heart. She ran and fought for as long as she could as both women played games with each other and spread nasty gossip around town. Until one day my friend gave up. She quit in the final lap. She said that she was tired and that she just couldn't run anymore and she allowed the other woman to cross the finish line into victory. The other woman did it, she ran a good race, she stuck in there and lasted the longest until he caved and she won. However is a win by default considered a victory?
Winning by default is basically when you win not because you were the best candidate or that you fought the best fight, a win by default is when you win because either the other players gave up, didn't show up or because they cheated. In a relationship a person wins by default when the other players just throw in the towel. Some do it early on. When she finds out that the man has another woman and she knows that she cannot deal with being his #2 or #3 she quickly throws in the white towel and moves on. Some woman stick around a bit longer because she really likes the guy or because he has told her that he was in the middle of breaking things off with the old woman and he just needs some time to settle things. She will stick around for a bit until she realizes that he was full of shit then she too throws in her towel. There are some women who will stick around until the very last stretch of the race. They have believed all of his lies, they feel as if they love him so much that they just can't let the other woman take him from them. Until she finally gets tired. She gets tired of the lies. She gets tired of lying in bed alone at night wondering if he is with the other woman. She gets tired of her phone calls or text messages being ignored because "he missed them." and she just gets tired of the foolishness that goes on with the other woman. In the very last stretch she tosses her towel allowing the other woman to cross the finish line. 
The other woman has won. You watch as she smiles and laughs as she accepts her prize...the man that she wanted all of this time. The One. Yeah he is a liar and a cheater, but she is now her liar and cheater. Not because he wanted her all along. Na, men don't work that way. She won by default. She won because no one else wanted to deal with it any longer so they quit. Quickly her victorious win only gets her a copper metal. Congrats. Now look at her, she is exhausted, her feet hurt, her toes are swollen and blistered and she cannot trust him because she knows what type of man that she is dealing with, but that does not matter because she got the ring. She got him.
That is until another candidate comes along, but the catch here is that she won't have to run a race to keep him. He will choose her as the winner. She won't have to take home the default prize because he will tell the default winner that he can't do this anymore and that he has falling in love with someone that he really wants to be with and how she should just move on with her life.
Guess what?
Race is over. Pack your bags and go home....being the winner by default is oftentimes being the loser by choice.
TTYL
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