The Incredible Shrinking Dating Pool

First of all I want to dedicate this blog post to my two wonderful co-workers, April and Zerita because they keep me laughing and make those long eight hours of work seem to fly by. 

I was speaking with two co-workers about dating in their thirties it seemed as if the dating pool has shrank drastically. I know, I know I'm married, but that does not mean that my ear is not to the streets and the streets are talking! I do have many single friends, most of whom are beautiful and well-educated women who seem to have it all together, except for their love lives. They talk and I listen. It seems that they cannot find a man because not that they are in their thirties the pickings are slim. And for good reason too. First of all most men in their thirties are either:

A. Married

B. In a committed relationship

C. In jail

D. Has three too many children 

E. Jaded by love

F. Openly or secretly gay

That does not leave very many men to choose from and thus we have the incredible shrinking dating pool. 

What happened To The Ocean?

In our twenties things were different because we were different. In our twenties we didn't really know who we were or what we wanted in a mate so we took a chance in the vast dating ocean. We were apprehensive at first, only dipping one toe in the water, but soon we found ourselves liking it and not too long afterward we were waist deep and half naked. But we had fun. We were fun. We were carefree and the possibilities were endless because in our twenties we didn't give a damn about our 401Ks, IRAs, working overtime, making the kid's a dental exam or how much gas mileage we got in our cars. No in our twenties we were all about having a good time.

And it was fun while it lasted.

So what happened to that vast dating ocean that was available to us in our twenties when we had the body and the energy to actually enjoy it. It has not disappeared and it has not changed, but we have. In our thirties we are more mature, we know who we are and we know what we want. The ocean is still there, but we don't want to go skinny dipping because we know better, we know that there are sharks in those waters and they bite.

Now that we are in our thirties we have to contend with more than just sharks we have to contend with responsibilities and sometimes those responsibilities are just as important as wearing a life vest. This is because by the time most of us reach our mid-thirties we have a pretty decent career, we have a nice enough car, a sustainable bank account, our own place and maybe even a kid or two. With all of those things come responsibilities that we can't just throw to the wind and say fuck it. That is another reason why it is so difficult to find love in our thirties because not only do we not have the time, but also we don't have the time to play games and we don't want to let someone in to muck up our responsibilities.

Your thirties are serious business.

When you were in your twenties you took chances in life and would give the guy with the mullet a chance because you knew that you would have time to keep looking and since your dating pool was much larger then you had a larger selection. When you reach your mid thirties you don't want to date the guy with the mullet because you don't have time to waste on him and thus, you have eliminated guys with mullets from your dating pool. In your twenties you would have dating the electrician just because he was cute and you needed something to do on a Thursday evening. However, in your thirties you know that a blue collar man will not work for you as you only want white collar men. Ooops, there goes that Incredible shrinking dating pool getting smaller and smaller. One by one you are eliminating people from your already tiny dating pool until you have something that resembles a Lifesaver.

There is nothing wrong with setting standards for yourself when it comes to who you date. After all who has time to waste on someone whom you knew was not right for you in the first place? Having standards to whom you date is one of the most liberating things about dating in your thirties. Unlike in your twenties when you didn't know who you were or were you are heading, despite the fact that the dating pool is smaller in your thirties at least you know that it is small because you want it to be that way and that you will not lower your standards just to have fun for anyone!

TTYL