Open Relationships...Having Your Cake & Eating It Too

Jill Smith & Jada

Pink & Carey Hart

Monique & Stanley Hicks

Austin Kutcher & Demi Moore

What do these stars have in common? They have decided not forgo all of the stipulations of a traditional marriage and instead opt for a non-traditional open marriage.  What exactly is an open marriage you may ask well an open marriage is when a couple agree that they want to be together but romantic and sexual relationships with other people outside of their marriage are accepted and tolerated. Of course there are different variations of how open the open relationship can be for example:

• Only sex with another person is permissible, but you can't have an ongoing relationship outside of the marriage
• Only one-night stands are permissible
• The partner has to approve of the other woman/man that their mate is interested in
• The couple 'swing' and attend sex parties together
• The male is permitted to be open, but the female isn't (or vice versa)
• The couple share the same person as in a threesome
• The couple has an ongoing relationship with other people that doesn't affect the primary relationship

Why Would Anyone Agree To That? 

Agreeing to be in an open relationship takes a certain degree of guts that I am proud to say I do not have.  However, more and more people are becoming open to being open.  A lot of couples feel that a monogamous relationship causes more problems than an open relationship.  They feel as if the expectation of remaining faithful to one person for the rest of their lives is humanly impossible and instead of the lies and deception that can go on in a traditional relationship they opt for complete openness.  Another reason that a couple would agree upon an open relationship is if one person has a higher libido than the other so the person with the low sex drive grants their spouse the green light to find sexual satisfaction elsewhere while maintaining the relationship at home.   Maybe the couple has grown bored with one another and decided that they want to seek outside excitement while keeping the family unit intact.  

When The Milk Turns Sour 

Being in an open marriage has to be hard not only because of the scrutiny that a couple can receive from friends and family, but also what happens when it is no longer fun and trendy? When one partner wants to close relationship off to being just the two?  It is hard to change the dynamics once the contract has been signed without one person feeling resentful and the other feeling betrayed.  While most people think that they can have sex without emotional attachments we have to remember we are human not animals so emotional attachments are a possibility when we have sexual relationships outside of our marriage.  What happens when the open partner begins to close the other partner out?  What happens when the primary relationship begins to suffer from the openness of the relationship?  What if the other person becomes pregnant?  How does an open couple deal with jealousy in the marriage?

   

Is There A Such Thing As a Free Pass?

I wonder if my husband gave me a free pass, would I take it?  I know that I would never give my husband a free pass to be with other women. When I think of marriage I think of security however in an open relationship it may seem hard to feel secure when you know that your partner is with other people.  If my husband were to want a free pass I'd grant him a lifetime of free passes.  I am by far a traditional person, however I don't hand out free passes and I feel that if a person wanted to be with other people why enter into a marriage in the first place? I need the security of knowing that while my husband is attracted to other women I am the only person that he comes to at  night.  I think that in a lot of 'open' relationships one partner is more open than the other so instead of having the expectation that their spouse is going to be faithful they'd rather give them a free pass to soften the blow that they spouse has been unfaithful.

As I said before, being in an open relationship takes guts, but it also take a lot of respect, communication and trust.  However, I have to ask how much respect is it when my spouse is out with another woman? How much trust can I give him to know that he will not form an emotional attachment with another woman and further more how much is he really communicating with me about what he is up too.    I believe that people have the right be married in any way that they want as long as both parties agree upon the terms and conditions of the marriage.  An open relationship is something that I personally close the door on.

TTFN!